I believe in faith of meeting the right people at the right time – either as a blessing or as a lesson.
This year truly had it all. I’ve worked a lot on my model portfolio and got to know amazing people through photoshootings, commission work or just because it was meant to be. I spent so much time with my Lost Adventures ladies, on and off the Lost Adventures Meetup (read about the meetup). I got to travel a lot! I think I’ve never ever travelled so much and got to know the sweetest, most fun people through friends. I travelled to collaborate, but also to be with the ones my heart wanted to be. To meet up with my friends, but also to get to know new faces.
Friendships grew throughout the year and so many unique and fun moments were shared. I got to finally live – and to be. Many friendships got deeper than just knowing someone on the surface and I also opened up more. I got to re-know myself this year.
It wasn’t always easy though. For example early 2017 I went through a tough phase of asking myself ‘who am I and who do I want to be’ as a model, but as well as a person. Last years Lost Adventures trip to Cuxhaven (Germany) brought lots of changes by breaking my own dogmas I set for myself. The dogmas I felt safe within and breaking those meant taking a few further steps towards the unknown. Towards the unknown me. Not a different ‘me’, but a ‘me’ that got lost a bit over the past few years and a ‘me’ that wasn’t yet discovered. I was honestly terrified, but it was exciting and playful to get to know myself from a different side.
The reinvention was strongly concerning my personal look. I had those dogmas to look a certain way for myself to feel like myself and by breaking that believe I felt lost. I remember the support of my best friends and still hear their voices ‘The change will open a lot of new doors for You’ and it did. It showed myself my self-consciousness I’ve had for years, but that self-consciousness was a good thing. It made me deal with it and work on it.
After accepting lots of tfp photoshootings I’ve made amazing experiences and like said before – loving friendship were made and deepened.
But I’ve also learnt my lessons this year, by making a few disappointing experiences throughout photoshootings and when it came to delivering the work, which was worked on together – concerning professionalism in my point of view. I’ve been treated without any possible respect, which was shocking to me, because when I work tfp or jobs I trust the people I work with. I trust that they have the exact same passion for their profession like I do for modeling and respect them and their work. I expect them to give a 100 % for the team – out of respect for the work of the others. A few facts really got to me on the human level and that was the most disappointing experience I had to make. The conclusion was, that I stopped working on my modeling for a short while, but I put the energy into myself and my graphic work. I needed to compensate that energy and turn it around.
Looking back at it, I am glad for those experiences as crazy and frustrated as they made me at that time and got to me out of disappointment. But those challenging experiences made me a stronger individual with a more set mind on what I want and what not, where I want to go and knowing who to trust and who to work with on a respected level. It was tough for sure. I was angry and sad a lot, but with the help of my best friends, I got through it and with the right mindset and trust in myself I slowly made my way up on my feet again.
If you read and follow my Instagram profile and read the quotes underneath my posts, you probably read the quote ‘But where would we be, if we lost all the faith in us?’ or ‘So sick of the sound of people giving up’, ‘We choose carefully whose words we let to get to us’. These quotes among others are messages to myself. I didn’t want to give up what I love because of others. I promised myself ‘If I ever give it all up, it will be Me who does. Not because of others. And for myself ‘giving it all up’ will be a decision for change.’.
What I want to say is: Never ever let someone else stop you from your dreams & ends. If bad experiences seem unexceptional, know that where there’s a will there’s a way.
This year brought so much sunshine and amazing people and unexpected jobs into my life and lots of moments not taking for granted by anyone involved and those moments with my friends and family and definitely outweighed the tough times and made 2017 a year full of love, support and encouragement.
I found my interest and love for editorial photoshootings, as in my point of view it challenges me as a model to come up with certain poses only using a certain part of your body or as well your whole body, depending on the frame used. It’s more about the make up – of course in combination with the model – and everyone who knows me, knows that I love love love playing with make up and looks, since my biggest domga was broken last year. I love what you can do with make up on a person and what you can make out of it – conceptional-wise.
Thanks so much to everyone who worked with me this year, who supported me, picked me up the damn cold floor. Thanks to my ladies who always know the honest thing to say and often give me a different point of view when I’m too much in my head or letting things getting at me too much. Thanks to all the wonderful people who share their love of creativity with me and who give me and my partners all their support and lovely words! I wouldn’t be where I am at, without you!
I hope you’re reflecting this year yourself. Look at both – the good and the tough times – and make something out it and grow for yourself and with others.
WHAT I WISH FOR 2018
♥ I wish for new experiences, like I was able to make this year. The good AND the tough – but new ones!
♥ I wish for travelling! To explore. To live!
♥ I wish for passionate people! To see and hug my friends again and get to know new faces and hearts!
♥ I wish for more commission work, because it is a different kind of experience. I would like to show, that my tattoos are not the center of attention, but expression.
♥ I wish for respect for the work of others. Always!
I wish you Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!
These wonderful festive photos were a collaboration in early December this year with the talented Pia from Pixellicious Portraits and lovely creative Denise from Metallized Make Up! Thanks so much ladies for choosing me for this photoshooting and fun project! See the whole series here!