We all have dreams. We follow our own path of dreams. Some dreams we’ve had since we were little, some dreams grow as we grow and some dreams are dreams we didn’t know we had, which turned up on the surface out of an coincidence or through someone.
Modeling was always a dream of mine, something I’ve wanted to do since I was little, because when I was little I thought you get to wear those beautiful dresses and clothes and make extraordinary poses. But I never really modelled much, because for myself I was always too small, too untalented, too sturdily built and later on too tattooed. So the image of me being a model was not an option at all. I banned it from my head. But little did I know, that life would teach me otherwise and would send me down a totally different path out of different intentions, than I thought I would go. I had no idea what modelling truly meant – to me – and how the imagine and motivation and intention of being in front of the camera became something totally different than I thought it was.
I’ve always had the need to express myself. That was the reason I started to illustrate at a young age and why I cannot live without it today – and why I am so perfectionist about it. Expression is the reason why I love to write – many years back it was some kind of lyrics for and to myself – and how it would turn out later on: for my modelling work, it is underlining a visual expression. I love to express myself through and with someone or something.
Expression is why I am so passionate about what I do – and this concerns modeling as well as my illustrations, but expression is also the reason why I often doubt myself – why I often criticize myself. What I express – on what I privately work on – needs to be perfectly representing what I feel in general or at that very moment. What my feelings would be in pictures or shapes or abstracted: in words – almost poems. Behind every illustration and behind every single picture taken of me lies a deeper story. Often dreams I had and in order to remember those brief pictures I hold them close by expressing myself and writing quotes down.
I am so grateful for the people I got to know through my dreams I didn’t know I had, for a long time. It turned out that the people now close to me, often through projects, share the same passion. The same goal almost. To express something together. Something which couldn’t have been created if one person of the constellation was missing. The intention to create something, every single person of the project being totally enthusiastic about their subject, their work, but most of all: their passion. Every single person respecting the other ones’ work.
Only through the people I’ve met along the way, the friendships that grew in my as I love to call it “own little garden”, I’ve learnt so much about myself, for which I am so thankful for.
I am glad that I had those dreams when I was younger. I am glad, that modelling turned out differently than I expected it to be – a matter of my personal expression with the help of another individual. I am glad, that I had those dreams I could have never dreamt of and I am glad that the people close to me catch my dreams and motivate, inspire and support me. Always.
Because the minute someone dreams the same and dreams along with you, more than just another work is created.
And those stars underneath your eye, sparkled brighter with every dream you made for yourself. Because your dreams were your own little garden and expression your cure to grow.
Here’s the link to the whole series!